October 30, 2013
The things that turn us on and make us feel sexy are personal for each of us. Some of us may not have thought a lot about what turns us on. Sometimes it can be hard to figure out. But, we each have our own fantasies, sexual histories and experiences that have taught us what we like and don’t like. And when it comes to sex the possibilities are endless.
Some of us might get turned on by the idea of a guy shooting his load in our ass. Some of us don't like anal sex at all, and love to lick, suck and nibble our way through a passionate encounter. Some of us enjoy the peace of mind that using a condom can bring. There can be a difference between what we fantasize about and what we feel comfortable doing in real life.
There is a link between the way we feel and the sex we want. If we feel down or judged, or we have a lot of stuff happening in our lives we may not enjoy sex or to want to have it at all. Or, we may find that sex helps us escape for a little bit and helps us to get out of our heads.
We each have a personal relationship with risk as well. We may take risks with the hope of something good happening while knowing that something not-so-good might happen. We may take risks because we hope we can achieve the pleasure we want (what we take the risk for) and avoid any negative outcomes. Sometimes we don’t think about it a whole lot and risks just seem to happen. As we explore the sex we want, it is a great idea to be aware of the risks that might be involved and to have a game plan to negotiate those risks. We can get the sex we want without taking big chances on our health. Depending on what we want, it may just take a little more planning and effort to reduce the risks.
How do we learn to build sex and pleasure in our lives? How do we tell our partners what makes us feel good? How do we listen to whether our partner(s) feel good and enjoy the sex we are having? How can we talk honestly and openly about what really makes us hot, without shame or fear of rejection? How do we get the sex we want if the sex we want puts us at risk of harm?
As this website continues to develop, be sure to check back for more articles, resources and blogs by queer men near and far. This is our agenda, our place to foster a conversation, share ideas, resources, learn from each other and build a strong community network.
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